"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
