dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
