I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
