I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
