I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
