she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
