That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
