My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
