there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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