so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
