just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
