My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
