I wish I could punch you in the face.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
