you didnt know i had herpes?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
