Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
COCAINE IS GR8
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
