It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
