it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
