Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
