if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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