the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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