dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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