shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
