I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
