lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
