He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
