paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
