my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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