1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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