I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
