he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
