I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
