I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
