Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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