coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
