She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When are your genitals available?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
