i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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