how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
