no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
