This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
