Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I am one with the molecules
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
