His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
