I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
