before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
