I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
