she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
