So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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