I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
zippers are such a cool invention
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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