Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
