We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
