I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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