I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
