just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
