I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
