I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
